Like most moms, I worry if I'm doing right by my kids. Sometimes I wonder if I'm totally messing up. A while back I found myself getting more frustrated and questioning myself more than usual and at the very worst of it I received two simple lines of advice that were totally unsolicited and not really even meant as advice toward me, just women talking, but I soaked them in.
At one of our weekly get-togethers some moms were talking about our kids' and the reactions of some people. Like when a kid is acting up in public and then someone says, "oh, you need to train your kid better", or something like that. At this same time I was really battling with Karim and his sometimes-undesirable behavior at home and outside. Karim is awesome. He also has A LOT of energy, curiosity, and excitement. He likes to be the center of attention and is not a fan of sitting for more than a few minutes at a time. These traits are not always easy for me to deal with.
So back to the advice. My friend was talking about her son acting up at a restaurant and a stranger coming and telling her she's not doing a good job with her son, who is 1 (this also happened to us on a an airplane that was stalled on the runway for over an hour when Karim was not yet 2 and a man with no kids tried to give us parenting advice). So another friend said, "you know, everything about our kids comes from God, their temperament, personality,etc. and as moms we're all doing our best to teach them". I really took this in and thought, "Karim is who he is, not because of something I did or didn't do but because God made him that way, and as long as I'm teaching with patience and mercy the learning will come soon enough".
The second piece of advice came from another friend when we were talking about taking care of the house with tornado-like kids living in it. Anyone with young kids knows what I'm talking about. While cleaning one room, another one is being destroyed. A friend from high school put it well here. While discussing the impossible job of having a clean house when young kids are living in it my friend told us about advice her mother (who raised 4 kids) gave her: "lower your standards, lower your standards, lower your standards". Really, what's more important, having a super clean house, or having a sort-of clean house and having fun with the kids?
At one of our weekly get-togethers some moms were talking about our kids' and the reactions of some people. Like when a kid is acting up in public and then someone says, "oh, you need to train your kid better", or something like that. At this same time I was really battling with Karim and his sometimes-undesirable behavior at home and outside. Karim is awesome. He also has A LOT of energy, curiosity, and excitement. He likes to be the center of attention and is not a fan of sitting for more than a few minutes at a time. These traits are not always easy for me to deal with.
So back to the advice. My friend was talking about her son acting up at a restaurant and a stranger coming and telling her she's not doing a good job with her son, who is 1 (this also happened to us on a an airplane that was stalled on the runway for over an hour when Karim was not yet 2 and a man with no kids tried to give us parenting advice). So another friend said, "you know, everything about our kids comes from God, their temperament, personality,etc. and as moms we're all doing our best to teach them". I really took this in and thought, "Karim is who he is, not because of something I did or didn't do but because God made him that way, and as long as I'm teaching with patience and mercy the learning will come soon enough".
The second piece of advice came from another friend when we were talking about taking care of the house with tornado-like kids living in it. Anyone with young kids knows what I'm talking about. While cleaning one room, another one is being destroyed. A friend from high school put it well here. While discussing the impossible job of having a clean house when young kids are living in it my friend told us about advice her mother (who raised 4 kids) gave her: "lower your standards, lower your standards, lower your standards". Really, what's more important, having a super clean house, or having a sort-of clean house and having fun with the kids?
2 comments:
oh man, Karim sounds exactly like Kaden. I LOVE what you said though, about them being 100% the way God made them. So true. I don't want to squelch Kaden's exuberant zest for life, even though sometimes it feels nearly impossible to reign him in. I love what you said and thanks for sharing. it's always a learning experience being a mom. I sometimes go to bed feeling like a complete failure, like I'm ruining my poor kids. Then, wake up and start fresh. There is always a fresh start. Thanks for sharing (and I am glad thatyou found mywords helpful. I have to remind myself of this ALL the time). I am sureyou are an amazing mommy.
Amen sista!
This mentality is something to get behind; God made our kiddos perfectly and while they may not always act perfect, it's our job to foster their spiritual, moral and emotional growth.
I'm looking at my computer room strewn with DVDs and thinking, ah, my standards have been lowered!
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