Living as a Foreigner

I have heard many people say about foreigners visiting or living in the US “if they’re going to come here they need to learn our language”. The funny thing is, people who say that probably only speak one language and have never experienced what it’s like to learn a second language. To those people, I say “it’s not that easy”. I’ve been in Egypt for about 2 months and I still don’t have enough courage to go far from home alone. I walk Karim to school everyday and am able to deal with his teachers and the school staff for the most part because many speak English and those who don’t are able to find someone who does. I have been to the corner store on our block but only to get a few things and I still have to read what the cash register says to understand how much I owe, and many of the store owners speak enough English to help me. It’s a little overwhelming to think about doing much more than that without the help of my family members.

I have been chatting with some friends back home who have experienced something similar, but quite different. Many women I’ve met since becoming Muslim, as well as my hubby, came to the US from foreign countries. Some, like my hubby, spoke English well when they arrived. Others spoke little to no English upon arrival. It is true that by immersing yourself in a language helps you learn faster because you have no choice but to force yourself to speak the language, but it’s still very difficult. At this time I am feeling extra compassion for all my friends back home living in a an unfamiliar place who have so much to say but don’t have the words to say it.

Now, not only does being a foreigner require a second language, but also cultural adaptation. For example, in the States waiting in lines is fairly customary and there are certain unsaid rules that are followed by those in the line. The number one rule is, wait your turn. Here, in Egypt, many places don’t have lines, you just have to go and push your way to you destination. This is not always true, as there are lines in places like the grocery store and government-type service places give you a number and you wait for your number to be called. I remember going to the bank one day and there was just a clump of people standing at the counter. At home I would wait behind the clump and when one person left I would fill the space. Not so in Egypt. It was a good thing I had my niece with me otherwise I would have been there all day. She grabbed my arm and we pushed our way through the clump to the counter and she yelled at the guy what we needed. It’s the same way in the open markets, if you wait your turn you’ll just stand there all day while people push past you. So, I’ve thrown all my manners aside and learned to get myself where I need to go.

There are still many cultural issues I’m learning to deal with. Not that these issues are unique to Egypt but some issues seem to be more prominent than what I’m used to back home. For example, some people are very nosy and are not shy to ask personal questions and they want to know everything about what everyone else is doing. I guess it’s similar to living in a small town, but definitely not something I’m used to.  My hubby’s family, thank God, do not have this problem and they respect my, and each other’s privacy. In close relationship to the nosiness is jealousy. I don’t want to paint Egyptians with a bad brush  but I’ve sensed more envy here than I’ve felt in my whole life. Someone may compliment my shoes and ask where I got them, for example. But, she is not really complimenting me, she wants to know all about the shoes so she can go find some better, like it’s a competition or something. I’ve had to really adapt my way of thinking when holding conversations with women outside of my family. I’ve been told of neighboring women having unspoken competitions about who’s laundry is cleaner, or who’s whites are whiter. First of all, there are no dryers in Egypt, they don’t exist; so all clothes are line-dried. Second, most buildings are built 10 feet from each other, so if I look around from the balcony I can see several people’s drying laundry. So, some women hang their laundry with pride to show their hard work in washing it which is also showing her competitors how much she loves her husband and kids, and this is the real competition—who loves her family more? I find it all very amusing, it would make for good soap opera material.

So, to come full circle, not knowing the language in a foreign country is difficult because I don’t know what’s going on around me, but at the same time a blessing because I can pretend I don’t know what’s going on when I don’t want to be involved :)